Defining parenthood

This is a warning...I am going to rant a little. This was originally going to be a Facebook status but it got a little wordy. However, I needed to get it out of my head and I needed to share it with someone. There is something that has been heavy on my heart lately, maybe you can relate to it.

As my step son grows older into the mid and latter part of his teens years I notice more and more people shocked on the notion that I am his step mom, since he is beginning to look more like a man than a child these days. Sometimes the shock on people's faces is funny and sometimes it is annoying especially when a lady comments "well, you must have married older", oh geeze! Must I remind you that age should not matter. 

I consider my step son my child plan and simple; I take him to the dentist and sit with him in the exam room because he fears that dentist chair, I take him to buy clothes when he outgrows old ones, I celebrate him when he gets good grades and talk with him when he doesn't. I've created birthday traditions, helped with science projects and math homework. I listen to him go on and on about video games that I don't understand. I've shared many memories of uncontrollable laughter and have comforted him when he has cried because sometimes this cruel world is just too much for even a teenage boy to handle. I have secretly pureed veggies into his spaghetti sauce so that he can get the nutrients without the complaints. I've volunteered to help with his soccer teams and talked with teachers at school conferences. I have watched him experience new things during family vacations and participated in dance parties with him during road trips.

 I am 11 years older than him, almost to the day and I am proud to be his parent. I don't need a thank you or a pat on the back. He is my child and I would literally move mountains for him with absolutely nothing in return. As corny as it sounds watching him grow into a polite, funny, charming, and handsome young man is enough for me. However, I must ask that you respect the term "family" and "parent". Those two words know no age or care about blood relation. Just because it is not normal to you does not mean it isn't a norm for someone else. Almost 6 years ago I met an incredibly good looking man who happened to be a single father with a 9 year old son. I married that man and together the three of us are a family. I am beyond blessed and wouldn't change our life for the world. 

xoxo

Kaili

Searching my heart

Wow, I haven't been here for a long time.

My heart wants to talk. So, I found myself here in this little abandoned space of mine.
Parenting is hard. I know it's not new news to anyone.
So many days I struggle between what my heart wants and what I know is right as a parent.
I work hard to make good decisions for Little Jesse.
I want him to have structure, I want him to be kind and know that sometimes he has to sacrifice things.
I want him to know how greatly he is loved. To know that my heart breaks when we argue; when i wish that I can take back words or approach those conversations differently.
Somedays I cry because I get lost trying to find all the right answers for him.
I hope, wish, and dream that one day he will think to this time. He will smile knowing that his dad and I did our very best.
And there are times when my best is hanging by a string and my patients are pushed to the limit.
But, today I will show him my love the only way I can and be his parent.
God brought him into my life for a reason. I thank him for that.

Today

one day it will not be like this

right now we are being pulled in a million different directions

God is testing our strength...He knows what we are capable of

one day our boy will be grown

we will look back on these days and wish we had more time

I hope he will look back and sees our sacrifices

our love is our strength

and we are strong



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Christmas [recap]

Our Christmas Eve consisted of...

-Cousin time (minus one)

-A lovely, peaceful dinner

-Unbearable patience of 3 children (ages 7-13) waiting to open up their gifts

-A Charlie Brown Christmas read out loud
-The biggest sweetest smiles from ear to ear

-Pictionary Man

-Giggles

-Lots of delicious treats

Our Christmas day consisted of...

-A 7:30 wake up by a boy I am certain will never grow out of the "crawl into our bed Christmas morning because he is so excited" phase

-A sweet traditional Christmas morning with my boys opening presents

-Santa Claus Christmas surprises

-Pancake breakfast

-Silly movies

-Kinect

-Cookies, and chex mix, and fudge, and rice crispy treats, and cookies, and candy...oh my!

-Laughter

-Several telephone conversations to out-of-town but still in my heart family

-More Kinect, followed by more treats

-full, happy hearts

I hope your Christmas was as merry as ours!

xoxo

-Kaili

Wishing You A...

I'm Thankful Week: Day 3

I'm Thankful for.

God.

How cliché sounding...

No matter how cliché it really is, I am thankful for God.

I was not raised in a uber religious family. We did not attend church weekly, actually we still do not. When my parents divorced; my dad and I attended church every sunday however, that was short lived. In elementary school I had a very dear and close friend whom is mormon and I attended church with her on occasion. Other than those few and far between occasions my church going experiences amounts to funerals and weddings.

There is no particular religion that I claim to be apart of, I feel like I am not acknowledgeable  enough to associate to one in particular. What I believe in is faith. Faith that there is someone up there watching all that I do and guiding me as I go along...

 As I have gotten older and wiser, I have begun to notice all of the beauty that is surrounding me; the changing seasons, my family, a kind gesture of a stranger, the giggles of my nieces and nephews, and I think there is a God.  I have determined that he surrounds each of us with beauty everyday and hopes that we will see and appreciate what he has done for us. And for that I am thankful.

 I believe deeply in the thought that God would not put you into a situation he didn't think you could get through. To me that means that through life's roughest moments, during the most challenging times God is invisibly teaching us a very important lesson. A lesson that is based on one of my favorite sayings; "everything happens for a reason", each difficult event in our life happens to show us the beauty in all that is good. At that moment it might be very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it will always be there and because of it you will walk away a stronger, better person.

I am thankful for God because of the person he has helped me become, each barrier that I have overcame had only helped me in this journey of life. I am thankful for him because he has helped me to appreciate the little things in life and all of the beauty that surrounds me...

For he has blessed me with a blissful life.

 

Until Tomorrow.

                                                               -Kaili

I'm Thankful Week: Day 2

I'm Thankful for: My Body

Please hold your eye rolling for a moment and read on...

How many of you think about all of the things your body is capable of? Most of us only think about the negatives when it comes to our bodies. Believe me, I was there too. However, I have come to a revelation that has leaded me to be thankful for my body.

Over this past year I have lost thirty pounds. It has been a tiring, difficult, trying, joyous, wonderful, challenging, and rewarding journey. Not only do I feel better and healthier, but I am wearing a size I never thought I would see in my clothing collection. I made the decision last December that not only would I make an effort to go to the gym on a regular basis but to also make healthier food choices. I do not recall setting a goal weight, I was not even out to lose weight in particular. I simply wanted a change and I set out to do it.

That being said, over the past year I have slowly begun to notice all of the things that my body is capable of doing. I can do things at the gym that were very challenging or next to impossible with much ease now. I have the ability and the will to push myself further then I ever did before. For the first time in years I have pride in my body.

Over the past week, as I have thought about all the things that I am truly thankful for, my body was a topic I really wanted to write about and share with you. I believe that many of us, women especially are incredibly too harsh on our bodies. We have become difficult to please; too much fat here, not enough muscle there, too many freckles, not enough height, so on and so on. I think it is time to be thankful for all that our bodies can do for us. We can push our bodies to do extraordinary things and not even think about it twice. Our bodies give us the ability to run, laugh, grow, recover and love. We can bear children; lift huge amounts of weight, run miles, and dance in circles. Our bodies are incredible machines, even during sickness, our bodies have the ability to recover and move on stronger.

I am thankful for my body because it has allowed me the ability to overcome obstacles both big and small. With it I have became stronger and more confident. Essentially, with my body acceptance I have become a happier person. So here I challenge you, next time you feel down about your body think about all of the things you can do because of it and instead be thankful for your body.

Until Tomorrow.


                                                                  -Kaili